Estrella Dorada Explains Himself

                Last weekend we witnessed a SHOCKING betrayal.  After losing their two points to The Augments, Liga Cosmica reentered the ring after the match for what appeared to be a moment of commiseration with their fans when BAM!  Estrella Dorada clocked an already badly beaten Erupcion Solar in the back of the head knocking the AWL IC Champion unconscious for a short time.  It’s taken a couple of says but I’ve finally gotten in contact with the Gold Star of Lucha Libre.  I had only one question: Why?

(The following message has been translated from the original Spanish by the AWL Translation Team)

                Why?  Because that little bastard deserved it!!  I carried his ass to the World Tag Titles…twice.  But the second I get injured; he picks a fight with Nippon Yokatta and becomes the IC Champion.  He basically forgot I existed.  But as soon as I come back to the AWL he’s all “Great to have you back!  Let’s reform the team, blah blah blah” as if I hadn’t nearly lost my career.  Well, I didn’t believe a word of it!  He left me in the clutches of what your planet laughingly calls “doctors.”

                I was willing to go along with his crap until we lost those two points.  After that, he was no use to me anymore.  Why did I knock his tiny ass out?  Because he thinks he doesn’t need me.  Time for him to learn otherwise.  Time for the Gold Star to shine!!

NEW CHAMPION!!

                Ladies and gentlemen, there is hope in these dark and troubled times!  The AWL Grand Championship is OUT of the clutches of Dr. Jigoku!  Last weekend at our season opener, the Most Canadian Man in the World cashed in the Golden Opportunity he won more than a season ago at the Clash of Styles Tournament to become the NEW Animated Wrestling League Grand Champion!

                I caught up with the champion backstage just moments after his historic victory:

Ryusensei: Kid!  Champ!  Can I get a few moments of your time?  You’ve just become the 17^th AWL Grand Champion, what’s going through your head right now?

Kid Canada: (Panting) Sorry.  Right now?  The main thing in my head right now is how badly I probably need a shower, eh?  Not from beating M-05…twice.  That took less than 5 minutes, eh?  But from how nervous I’ve been all day   It hasn’t really set in yet.  I’M THE FREAKING GRAND CHAMPION, EH?!

Ryusensei: It’s been a long time coming Kid.

Kid Canada: Sorry.  You’re darn right it has.  This is my 12^th season in the AWL and I honestly don’t remember the last time I was even in a Fight for 4, let alone a title match.  So, I made my own luck and my own opportunities, eh?

Ryusensei: Take us through tonight.  Was this a spur of the moment decision or something you’ve planned for a while.

Kid Canada: Sorry, but it’s a bit of both.  My original plan was to make a public challenge either at Golden War or the next finale.  But when I saw M-05 walk out of AWL 260 with the belt, I knew I had to act.  So, I’ve been planning this for…about a month, eh?

Ryusensei: Let’s look ahead to the future champ, you’ve got some BIG challenges on the horizon.  H-03, Ganba Hisshi Dark, Matt Classic, to say nothing of the winner of the Contractual Obligation Rumble who will get the same chance to pick their spot as you did.

Kid Canada: Sorry, but I welcome it Ryu.  My opponents may be bigger than me, darker then me, or more experienced than me, but they’ll never be better than me.  Like a great Canadian once said, “I’m the best there is, best there was, and the best there ever will be!”  As for the Contractual Obligation Rumble, I want all 30 of those wrestlers to take a step back.  Realize how rare title opportunities are around here.  This battle royale is a chance for all of them to step up and write their own story.  When the winner is ready to cash in his Golden opportunity, I’ll be there ready and waiting.  Any time, any place, any match, the Most Canadian Man in the world is ready for anything, eh?

Ryusensei: Thank you champ.  I’ll let you get that shower because you’re right.  You kind of need it.

A New Rule System Because Sore Losers.

                And, because I don’t have enough work to do apparently, ANOTHER match has been added to AWL 226.  This message was delivered to AWL HQ last night:

                I have come to a conclusion.  My tag team, The Empire, has not fared well this season, nor was I able to capture the Intercontinental Championship last week.  The fault, as my countryman said, lays not in our stars but in ourselves.  I should have seen the situation for what it was.  The problem is not my associate or myself, but in the Animated Wrestling League itself!  This strange hybrid of American and Japanese wrestling rules leaves me at an automatic disadvantage.  Therefore, I am going to educate the AWL as to the way professional wrestling is supposed to be.

                This weekend, at AWL 226, I’m bringing back…World of Sport Rules!  5 rounds of 5 minutes with 2 falls, 2 submissions, or a knockout to decide the winner.  Leaving the ring results in disqualification.  Because I know Joey Babaganoush can’t referee such a sophisticated match for very long, I’ll allow the round to end upon a fall.  Joey’s also not that smart or observant, so I’ll even remove the rule that breaking contact on the mat ends the exchange.

                Once the AWL fans understand what REAL wrestling 
looks like, they’ll be begging for me to be inserted into the Best 4.

--Frederick Victor

Promos from Champion and Challenger

As is AWL custom, we turn over this final blog post before AWL 224 to the Champion and Challenger for the AWL Grand Championship.  Both comments have been translated from the original Japanese by the AWL Translation Team.  First, the challenger:

A lot of people make a big deal about how I beat Project Tetsu to become AWL Grand Champion.  But they never mention that I failed to defend that title even once.  That was nearly one year ago at National Pro Wrestling Day 2017.  Now, a year later, I have the chance to correct that mistake.  To regain the title and go back to America and defend MY championship successfully.

Hakaisha is a great wrestler, but he’s all strength and power.  All I have to do is take him down and start tying him in knots.  If I can do that, he joins me in the zero defenses club.  At the New Year’s Tournament, I proved that I can go the distance.  This weekend, I prove that I don’t need an Iron Man Submission Match to become AWL Grand Champion.

--Chiba Akagi

And now, the AWL Grand Champion:

Chiba Akagi is probably the best submission wrestler in the world today.  But no amount of training can make up for raw power.  Yes, if he catches me in one of his submissions, I’m done for.  But I’m not going to be stupid enough to let that happen.  I’m going to pick him up and throw him all around the AWL Ring, then I’m going to pin his shoulders to the mat for three seconds.  It’s as simple as that.  I was backstage for the New Year’s Tournament, I saw him beat four men with the manji-gatame in one night.  I know how to win this match and I know how to do it the right way! 

--HAKAISHA!

Two wrestlers with completely opposite styles class for the most coveted prize in animated wrestling this weekend at AWL 224: Golden Dreams.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is what professional wrestling is all about!

Ugh, not this guy again!

                The following message was delivered to AWL HQ this morning.  The words of Yamada Jiro do not necessarily reflect those of the Animated Wrestling League, it’s owners, management, or staff.  This message has been translated, under duly noted protest, by the AWL Translation Team.

                As the only wrestler in the AWL with two points on the board, I demand that Nippon Yokatta be given a match at AWL 222.  No tag team event would be complete without proper Japanese fighting spirit.  Japanese wrestling is rightly known for great tag team wrestling.  That is because we are we know how to work together.  Something foreign devils can never understand.  In fact, I insist that we be given a match with fellow Japanese.  There can be no competition otherwise.  Perhaps that new team of Tigers.  Tiger the Dark, a Japanese man, dares to take up a foreign devil’s legacy?  No wonder he’s never won a match in the AWL.  He won’t start now!

                What a disgustingly racist little turd.  Still, it sounds like a good match.  Let’s hope the AWL Commissioner makes it official.

A Tiger's Response

The following message has been translated from Japanese.

Rematch clause?  What rematch clause?  In case you didn’t realize, I don’t have a contract with GWM.  I’m a freelancer, so your contract means exactly nothing to me!

But, if you want a chance to regain the GWM World’s Heavyweight Championship, I’ll give it to you on one condition:

GWM vs. AWL…FINAL WARS!