Sorry this has taken a few days folks, but Yarina refused to "approve the language" of these profiles. But you know what? I don't care! The show must go on. So please enjoy the final AWL Wrestler Profiles:
Yarina
From:
Kyoto, Japan.
Finisher:
N/A
Affiliation:
Yarina Talent Management Inc.
Style:
N/A
Championships:
N/A
I’m not even sure if Yarina should even be
given a profile as she isn’t technically a wrestler. But if we are going to profile all of Yarina
Talent Management Inc. in one post, then it would be silly to leave out the president
of the company and woman with her name on the door and stationary.
Born in Osaka to a corporate tycoon
of a father and a trophy wife of a mother, Yarina learned quickly the ways of
business and of manipulation. Once she
hit puberty, she knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life: Control big
strong men like an organ grinder controls his little monkey.
Bursting on to the scene in Season
2 as manager for Wonder Kid, we all assumed she was just his girlfriend. But no, we quickly learned that Yarina fas
far more. In fact, she is now the most
powerful person in the AWL. She controls
the AWL World Heavyweight Title through Wonder Kid and the AWL World Tag Team
Titles through her more recent clients: Crisis Gundan.
No one knows where she found those
two monsters but the took the AWL tag team division by storm in Season 3 and
now stand tall as undefeated tag team champions.
Yarina has even forged a
professional and personal rivalry with the AWL Commissioner himself. Yarina has held the Commissioner up for ever
increasing “Appearance Fees” and regularly holds the AWL belts for ransom.
Speaking of holding the title
hostage, Yarina is the genius behind the 10-Minute Challenge that has allowed
Wonder Kid to go a full season while defending his title a grand total of 4
times.
There’s no telling what this
little witch will come up with next.
“The
Man Muscle Mountain” Wonder Kid.
From:
Spokane, Washington.
Record:
28-11
Finisher:
Kinniku Buster/Kid-A-Tonic (Former)
Affiliation:
Yarina/DA (Former)
Style:
Pick ‘em up/Put ‘em down/Make it hurt.
Championships:
AWL World Heavyweight Champion x3! (Current)
When people think of a professional
wrestler, they think of a man like Wonder Kid.
A towering giant of a man with more muscles than brains and a talent for
throwing people around like lawn darts.
Coming to the AWL from the Spokane
Washington, the origin point for all known forms of human misery, Wonder Kid
made what is probably the most impactful debut in AWL history. WK is the first man ever to debut in the New
Year’s Tournament and win the whole thing (He did this in Season 0, retroactively
established as 2009, though that could change due to the current instability of
the space time continuum). Wonder Kid
then embarked on a 27 match winning streak (a record unequaled in the AWL
before or since) before fulfilling The Prophecy and winning his first AWL World
Heavyweight Championship less than a year into his wrestling career.
He held that title for 364
days. His championship reign came to an
end at the hands of another wrestler backed by The Prophecy, Ganba (Winner of
the 2010 NYT). Wonder Kid has never
gotten over this loss. A few weeks
later, WK would regain the title before losing it back again to Ganba at the
end of Season 0.
Season 1 was not a good time for
the former champion. He was cursed by
the Angel of Death and forced to join the Dark Alliance as “Ubermensch” until
the DA was disbanded at the end of that season.
His fortunes turned around in
Season 2 with the debut of Yarina. At
first, everyone assumed Yarina was just Wonder Kid’s valet/casual sex
partner. But we all quickly learned that
she is a ruthless business woman who more than makes up for what Wonder Kid
lacks in the brains department.
At AWL 40, Wonder Kid once again
became the AWL World Heavyweight Champion.
He has held that title ever since.
In the ring, Wonder Kid is a
machine and the very definition of a power wrestler. While “Pick em up, put em down, and make it
hurt” may sound like a cheap way of hinting that he doesn’t know any actual
wrestling holds (which he doesn’t) it also accurately describes the obviously
effective wrestling style of the champ.
With an arsle of high impact slams throws and drops like the Kinniku
Buster, the Superplex, the and the Giant Swing.
Wonder Kid has amassed the best win loss record in the AWL today, many
of his wins coming by knock out.
Wonder Kid has reached the pinnacle
of the AWL, but his goal is something even greater. Beating his own record for the longest title
reign in AWL history. Unfortunately, in
order to go as long as possible without having to defend the title, Wonder Kid
has begun employing the 10 Minute Challenge as a way to not only stymie
potential challengers, but to scout those he eventually does have to defend the
gold against.
Will Wonder Kid be stopped before
the end of the year? There’s only one
way to find out. Stay tuned . . .
Jack
“Break Down” Butcher.
From:
Sidney, Australia.
Record:
8-0
Finisher:
Butcher Bomb (elevated power bomb)
Affiliations:
YTM Inc. /Crisis Gundan.
Style:
Pick ‘em up, put ‘em down, make it hurt.
Championships:
AWL World Tag Team Championship x1 (Current) w/Crisis Gundan.
Yarina has kept the personal life and past of Jack Butcher a “Closely
Guarded Company Secret.” All we know for
sure is that he was born and raised in Sidney.
Beyond all that, the rest is chemically infused supposition.
As
for Butcher’s AWL career, he is undefeated in all forms of competition and the
co-holder of AWL World Tag Team Championship.
Of the two members of Crisis Gundan, Jack is the most likely to resort
to needlessly dirty tactics. Judging solely
by their actions in-ring, this may not sit well with his more honorable
partner. Of course, that’s just a guess at this point.
HAKAISHA
From:
Tokyo Japan.
Record:
9-0
Finisher:
Tatsumaki (tornado)
Affiliations:
WTM Inc./Crisis Gundan.
Style:
Pick ‘em up, put ‘em down, make it hurt.
Championships:
AWL World Tag Team Championship x1 (Current) w/Crisis Gundan.
Known as “The Japanese Destroyer” for good reason, HAKAISHA is
responsible for ending the career of Striker and putting Wrestler X on the
injured list indefinitely. Possessed of
ungodly strength, his choke slam is deadly, to say nothing of his gravity
defying finishing move, the Tatsumaki.
What’s more, for a man his size, he has been gifted with tremendous
agility as seen by his habit of climbing to the top rope to deliver either an
elbow drop or a spear. HAKAISHA is
easily one of the most dominant wrestlers in the AWL today. The problem is that he knows it. If HAKAISHA has any weakness whatsoever, it
is his ego and tendency to showboat in the ring.
It
is likely that very same ego that Yarina appealed to when she recruited this genetically
unlikely man and his equally improbable partner into the AWL. Yarina promised Crisis Gundan the star
treatment and so far she has delivered.
I wonder what would happen if they weren’t undefeated tag team
champions?
As
with his tag team partner, much of HAKAISHA’s past is a closely guarded secret
of YTM Inc. All we know for sure is that
he is from Tokyo, but so is roughly 25% of the population of Japan so that
doesn’t exactly narrow it down much.
Perhaps someday more of this man’s true identity will be revealed, but
not if Yarina maintains her vice like grip on her talents’ lives and contracts. It’s a real shame because in this reporter’s
opinion, HAKAISH has the potential to be the greatest wrestler the AWL has ever
known.
