AWL 61 Pre show interviews

              In these the last few hours before the triumphant return of the AWL to you computer screens, it seems that everyone and their dog has something to say about AWL 61.  When we reached out to the roster (fresh and recharged after their vacations) pretty much everyone involved in AWL 61 wanted to say something.  In the interest of fairness, we allowed each wrestler competing this weekend to make a brief statement.  Here now, grouped by match, ate the words of the AWL Wrestlers themselves:

Kid Canada: FINALLY!  The AWL Commissioner has realized what everyone has been missing for years!  I, the last master of the dungeon, am the perfect man to open the fourth season of the AWL.  Lucha, or whatever you’re calling yourself today, as embarrassing as losing your mask was, this weekend will be even worse.  Whatcha gonna do, when Maplemania runs wild on YOU?!

The Artist Formerly Known as Lucha: Fu*k off!

Tiny: Yo, AWL fans, Tiny here.  In two weeks, sumbodah’s getting a tag title match.  That needs to be myself and the King of Spice.  Lee, Sammy, Matt, much respect my brothers, but I got one thing you ain’t got.  I’m the ONLY man in the AWL that can put those little suckers down and take back the tag belts from that b*!ch Yarina and y’all know it.  Again, much respect, but this weekend, y’all are in our way so ya gotta go down.

Lee Masters:  Listen up boys.  You ain’t never faced anything like us.  At AWL 61, youse gonna see the best versions of us there’s ever been.  We’ve been training with our awesome team and doing everything we need to do to knock you bums out!

Ben Nelson: This weekend I’m in a Battle Royal to set my place in the Best 4.  I must admit that I come into this match a man conflicted.  On the one hand, I’m excited to have this opportunity to cement myself in the AWL heavyweight division and I don’t plan to waste it.  On the other, I am forced to ask if this chance would have ever come my way if Striker were still here and we were still a tag team.  Either way, at AWL 61 I’m going to throw all 3 men out of the ring.  Then, I’m setting my sights on the biggest prize of them all, the AWL Championship.  Striker, I know you’re back home watching this.  Get well soon buddy and I’m going to make us both proud.

Hassan: The American dream is more than a fat man in yellow polkadots, it’s the belief that if you work hard enough you can end up in a better place than you started.  There are those who say the American dream is dead, or that it never existed in the first place.  They’re wrong and I’m going to prove it.  I’m going to work my ass off.  I’m going to win the battle royal.  I’m going to overcome the 10-Minute Challenge.  And I’m going to win the AWL Title. 

Wolf: 3rpi35pjg93584thp9[kpbe9u-5dei hipnk;4tef9pjioc;kl/,pbkeo

Matt Classic: Alright kids.  Story time.  Did I ever tell you about the time I invented the pro rasslin battle royal?  It was 1950-something I think.  We were holding the matches at this old armory in the middle of nowhere when a fire broke out in the locker room.  Naturally, the boys all ran out of there as fast as we could.  Unfortunately, we all ran right into the ringside area.  We couldn’t let the fans think that the big tough wresters were scared of a little fire.  Thinking fast, I jumped into the ring and challenged anyone to throw me out.  The others responded and the first ever battle royal was on!  The point it that I’ve forgotten more about this kind of match than you’ll ever know!  See you on Sunday rookies.

Libre: (via translator) After everything I’ve been through the past two seasons, I’m over joyed to finally be getting my wrestling career back on track.  Ma-Ji-Ku my friend, let’s have an amazing match.  Give me your best and I’ll give you mine.

Ma-Ji-Ku: (via translator) Yes, let’s.  You’re my friend and my partner, this weekend won’t change that.  But if you want to be the AWL Light Heavyweight Champion, you have to earn it.  You have all the skills in the world, but I’ve been champion for too long to give it up without a fight.  I will give you my best, and I expect yours.

Ganba:

              二シソン前に俺は最後のチャンスを手に入りました。俺とマットクラシクはタイトルマチのために準備をしました。でも、そのマチはできなかた。AWL40で私たちは地獄に入りました。日曜日におまえは地獄に帰ります。さよならワイルドカード。

Bubba Reese:

              F*ck man, nobody can understand what you’re saying!  I hate you f*cking slant eye’s pu$$ies coming into MY sport and thinking you know so much better than me.  All your Bruce Lee $hit ain’t gonna mean $hit on Sunday.  Last Man Standing mother f*cker, you are going to be GONE!!  F*ck you and your whore mother.  Get the f*ck out of my sport.  Get the f*ck out of my business.  Get the f*ck out of my life!