AWL 34: Dragon vs. Masters

AWL 34 投稿者 AWLBoss

In preparation for this weekend’s AWL World Heavyweight Championship Match, we have invited both champion and challenger to give us their thoughts on the upcoming bout.

Listen here you egotistical little punk.  Bring all the MMA clichés you like.  But this weekend at AWL 34, there’s not going to be a “fight.”  There’s going to be a professional wrestling match.  Why?  Because that is what we are, Professional Wrestlers.  I’m proud of that and if you aren’t, well that says something about you, doesn’t it?  This title around my waist says that I am the best animated wrestler walking God’s green earth and I have worked too long and too hard to lose to the first guy to come at me.

When this company started all those years ago I was the AWL Champion.  Before we had weight divisions, before we had pyro, before we had Internet TV deals, back when it was me, my opponent, and anyone we could talk into the building.  Heck, back then the title had never been defended outside of Japan so we couldn’t even call it a “world” title.  I helped build this company.  I didn’t do it alone, but I was the face of the AWL.  And we didn’t give our blood sweat and tears to this company for you to disrespect me, disrespect the title, disrespect the AWL, disrespect Professional Wrestling with your psudo-MMA BS.

So this weekend, I’m not going to “fight” you . . . but I am going to beat you.

                                                                                                  --Dragon

In preparation for this weekend’s AWL World Heavyweight Championship Match, we have invited both champion and challenger to give us their thoughts on the upcoming bout.

Hey, this is Lee Masters.  This weekend, I got Dragon.  Now he’s a legend, and a worthy champion and all that, but ya know, he has never fought anyone like me.  I’m in the best shape of my life.  I’ve been training hard ever since I beat Matt and Sammy.  Been working on my ground game.  Been working on my wrestling.  Been working on my jits.  I’m as ready as ready can be.

When I get into that ring you’ll see the best version of me you have ever seen.  I’m gonna impose my will on Dragon.  He’s gonna try all his high flying jumping shit, but I’m gonna control the fight.  Dragon knows I’m a better fighter than him.  I got better striking, better wrestling, better defense, better jits, the works.  Plus, I’m gonna control the fight.  He won’t stand and bang with me cause he knows he’d get knocked out.  So I’m gonna take him to the ground and tap him out.  His only chance is to lay and pray because I’m the next AWL Champion.  And Dragon, you can kiss my jits.

                                                                                    --Lee Masters

Translated from Spanish:

What the hell!  In case you idiots hadn't heard, my LOSER of a little brother has another match this week while the TALENT of the Free Fighters isn't even booked on the show!!  And do you know what's worse?  It's a #1 Contender's Match!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What the hell has Libre done to earn a title shot?  He LOST last week.  Yeah, yeah, I know he "had Bruce Hoyt pinned for a 3 count" blah blah blah but sorry.  There was no ref there to count the fall so screw you.  This is an outrage!  You bastards are lucky I didn't want to wrestle this weekend anyway.  The next time you see me it had better be in a contender's match!

or else.
                                                                                                 --Lucha

This week's news post.

In this week’s news post we must begin with American Beetle.  Immediately after his tag team match at AWL 33, he was taken to 聖胸部病院 a local hospital specializing in the treatment of human-insect hybrids (it’s Japan, we need places like that).  It has been confirmed that American Beetle suffered a mild concussion.  He is expected to make a full recovery but he will not be cleared to wrestle for the next couple of months.  All of us here at the Animated Wrestling League wish him a safe and speedy recovery.

Regarding the AWL World Tag Team Titles, the Commissioner has a policy of never stripping a champion of their title unless it is completely unavoidable as that would destroy the legacy of the championship.  Therefore, the All Americans are still recognized as AWL World Tag Team Champions.  Their next title defense, against Team UK, has been postponed until the season 2 finale, AWL 40.  If American Beetle is not cleared to return by that time, the Commissioner will have no choice but to consider other options.

In other news, the Commissioner has rendered a decision on the faction known collectively as The Hardcore Throwbacks.  Since Tommy Dreamer and Terry Funk think they can hang with AWL Wrestlers half their age and twenty times their talent, they have been granted short term contracts valid until the end of season two.  At which point the AWL will have the option to renew or deny those contracts at will.  For the record, it should be noted that the AWL Commissioner has an intense dislike for so-called “Hardcore Wrestling” and considers it to be needlessly dangerous garbage.

Moving on to happier news, the full card for AWL 34 has just been announced:

MAIN EVENT: Dragon © vs. “Penultimate Fighter” Lee Masters—AWL World Heavyweight Championship Match.

Semi Final: “King of Spice” Curry Man vs. Libre—Light Heavyweight #1 Contender’s Match.

The Hardcore Throwbacks vs. The Super Tiger Brothers.

Wrestler X vs. “Suplex Master” Sammy Nix.

Super Giant vs. ????—AWL Anarchy Championship Match!

All that and more on the next episode of the Animated Wrestling League!  See you next weekend.

AWL 33: Ma-ji-ku vs. Flare

AWL 33 投稿者 AWLBoss

Another hour of power for you tonight as we bring you not one but TWO title matches.  Rick Flare challenges fro the AWL Light Heavyweight Title in a Submissions Only Match but Super Giant defends the AWL Anarchy Championship in a first ever stipulation match for this company.

Plus, Libre goes it alone against Bruce Hoyt and The All Americans face Team UK in non-title match.

A personal message from Libre.

Translated from Spanish:

Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of myself and my brother, I would like to apologize for what happened at AWL 32.  My big brother has always been a hot head and his temper got away from him.  I never asked him to interfere in my match, but the fact is that he did.  Lucha has explained to me that the chair he hit me with was intended for my opponent, Shin Tora, and I believe him.  Either way his actions were inexcusable.  I happily forfeit the match to Shin Tora and I have spoken to the AWL Commissioner and he agrees with me that neither Lucha nor I should be paid for last week.  I am deeply sorry for what happened and I hope the AWL fans can forgive us.  Thank you for your time and consideration.
                                                                                                  --Libre

Press release from the Commissioner's office.

Following the events of AWL 32, in which a World Tag Team Title Match ended in a double count out, all four of the wrestlers involved have been officially reprimanded and reminded that matches must take place in the wrestling ring.  Officially, the match has been ruled a draw and the All Americans have therefore retained the AWL World Tag Team Championship.  However, Team UK has claimed that they were not given a fair chance to challenge for the titles and have demanded a rematch.

It is the strict policy of the Animated Wrestling League that, excluding the Anarchy "Division", title matches are not handed out freely or at random.  Title shots must be earned.  Therefore at AWL 33, Team UK will face the All Americans in a non-title match.  If the Brits win they will get their rematch.

As for the faction known as The Hardcore Throwbacks, investigations into the incident are ongoing and cannot be commentated on at this time.

AWL 32: Gold & Revenge

AWL 32 投稿者 AWLBoss
AWL 32 comes at you with a rare double main event!  First, the All Americans face Team UK for the AWL World Tag Team Championship.  Also, at long last it's judgement day for "Wild Card" Bubba Reese and vengeance for "The Japanese Megastar" Ganba as he finally gets his hands around the throat of the man who nearly ended his career and cost him the world title.  Ganba vs. Reese one on one in a NO DQ Match!

News of the World (of Animated Wrestling).

Greetings AWL fans!  First off, AWL 32 will be slightly late due to real life getting in the way but it should be up in less than a day.  In the mean time, please enjoy the following story line related content:

Late last night the following message arrived at AWL Headquarters.

WOOOOOOOOOO!  Hey the AWL fans, this is WOOO Rick Flare.  And I have got a message for the Animated WOOO Wrestling League Light Heavyweight Champion.  Ma-Ji-Ku, ya punk!  The Nature Boy has got your number!  Cause ya see, I’ve been watching the tape.  I’ve been watching you and your little friends Team Mexico in the WWE tournament.  And ya know what?  WOOOOOOO YOU SUCK.  And you know why you suck?  Because you don’t know any submission holds.  That’s why you couldn’t rack up any points.  That’s your weakness.

              Well, it’s time to wake up,

step up,

nut up,

and lace ‘em up

because I am challenging YOU to a title match . . . Submissions Only!  And when the coach flying, taxicab riding, grope stealing, scheming dreaming, son of a bitch slaps that Figure Four Leg Lock on you there is going to be a NEW!  Sheriff in town WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

And you can take that to the bank!

                                                                                    --Rick Flare

An hour later, I received a message from the AWL Commissioner:

Good Evening ladies and gentlemen, I am the AWL Commissioner and before I get to my point I must respond to Rick Flare: No.  You have not proven yourself worthy of an AWL Light Heavyweight Title Match.  However, your point about Ma-Ji-Ku's skill in submissions is valid.  Therefore you shall be given the chance to prove yourself at AWL 32.  A submissions only match against one of the top stars in the AWL Light Heavyweight Division.  Win and I'll give you your title match.

Now on to business.  After the events of AWL 30 and 31 I have completed the newest incarnation of the AWL Best 4 rankings.

AWL Best 4:

1. "Penultimate Fighter" Lee Masters.

2. Wonder Kid.

3. Silver Potato.

4. "Suplex Master" Sammy Nix.

THIS!  I HAVE COMMISSIONED!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

AWL 31: Ganba vs. Classic

AWL 31 投稿者 AWLBoss

The second season rolls on as we fulfill a promise long overdue.

BREAKING NEWS:  Following the events at the end of AWL 30, the NEW AWL World Heavyweight Champion Dragon was taken to a local medical facility where he was examined for the effects of blunt force trauma to the throat after Bubba Reese jammed a steel chair into his neck.

              According to the doctors, Dragon tensed his neck muscles at exactly the right moment to avoid any critical damage.  He has some bruising and the mother of all sore throats, but there was no harm done to his windpipe, carotid arteries, or any other valuable equipment.

              As such, the Green Grappler HAS been cleared to wrestle this weekend at AWL 31.  While he will not defend his newly won crown, he will compete in a non-title match against the tag team partner of his first challenger: “Suplex Master” Sammy Nix.

              As for Bubba Reese, contrary to the opinion expressed on commentary at AWL 30, Mr. Reese did not “Escape from police custody.”  Instead, he was released when the police concluded that they could not successfully prosecute the case.  If this seems strange to you considering the video evidence involved, you’re not alone.  The AWL Commissioner will release a statement on the matter at AWL 31.

              Finally, while it is 10 episodes in the making, the Animated Wrestling League will finally deliver the match promised for AWL 21: Ganba vs. Matt Classic at AWL 31.